Oh my gawd, y'all! I found The Coolest House on the Planet! It's not only huge, gorgeous, fully rehabbed, and perfection, but it has secret…fucking…rooms! So exciting, I actually peed my pants (just a little)! Seriously, babies, what could possibly be more tits than having secret rooms?
You start out walking around the second floor and going, wooooow, this house is a monster! Are there really four bedrooms on this floor? Then you open an innocuous door, expecting to find yet another mammoth closet, to discover a hidden flight of stairs. It's at this point where you have an adrenaline dump and your legs begin to feel like Ramen noodles because you're so fricking excited! And do you know what lies at the top of these secret stairs? An effing loft apartment! Like, a kitchenette, a full bath, a bedroom, and a living room that is bigger than my entire place!
Lawdy, I have to lie down now. I've worked myself into a froth over this amazing, glorious, gargantuan house. I know, I know. It's in the ghetto kinda, but I'm afraid I could totally deal with that! I just figure a good alarm system, a Doberman, and a Smith & Wesson ought to make me feel all safe at night. Now if I can just talk Octagon into buying it for me…
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