Cars blow. Oh my GOD, I loathe dealing with everything about them. Currently, I drive a "vintage" 1992 Celica (a.k.a. the Lean Green Disco Machine.) Yeaaah, she has rust spots, dents, frightening carpet, and a ghetto radio that doesn't work because my antenna goes up and down at random while making awesome noises like RUurrrrRrruurrrRURRRRRR. And do I mind any of this? Hell no! I'm white trash and god damn proud of it. But I'll tell you what I do mind.
No A/C.
Walk with me...It's literally the hottest day of the year; you're wearing sweatery biznazz casual and blissfully driving home from work, but it's all good, baby! You're keeping nice and chill with the air conditioning alllllll the way up. You notice a slight alien clicking sound from the dash and suddenly, BLISTERING FUCKING HOT AIR sears through your vents and steams your face like a geyser exploding from the fiery pits of hell. Pretty rock and roll, right? Ah ha, but now realize that the cost of repairing said A/C is worth more than the car itself. Sons'n bitchin'! It's time to get a new car.
This is the point in our tale where Summie loses her mole. Cars suck snail testicles! They are a terrible investment and kill a over a million fucking people a year!!! I friggin' despise them with the fury of 10,000 wildebeests! And fuck you very much, Kansas City, for sucking out my entire soul by not providing good public transportation. You can EAT ME!I feel like I'm left with only one viable option at this point. I've been driven here by the angst that is dealing with stupid douche car stuff. The way I see it, my only alternative is to go now and buy this car and commence squealing with delight:
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