Oooh, You So Nasty.

Why is dirty talk so hot? I mean, when it’s done right, of course. When dirty talk goes foul, it’s an entirely different situation, like the time I received OCD robotic instructions from Mafia guy about what he was doing, what he was going to do next, and why. Thanks man, but I’m pretty sure I was there. I definitely didn’t need a manual and/or a play by play. I also didn’t need the matching pearl earrings either, but that didn’t so much work out the way I planned either.

The first time anyone dirty talked me, I was so shocked! Granted, it was pretty coarse dirty talk. I think maybe I should have been eased in with a “You like that?” Instead, he asked me if I thought threesomes were hot, to which I naturally replied yes, and he busted out this bomb, “Do you want two cocks inside you?”

Whoa.

I wasn’t sure if I should have laughed or barfed, but wow. Holy dirty talk!

Eventually, I learned to love it, and while you’d think I would be an Olympic Champion in this particular sport, I still find myself wondering if I’m rocking their world or creeping them out. It’s so damned subjective! Maybe it’s the pressure of coming up with something creative without getting too, uh, ya know, double penetrationy. And then, sometimes you get so into it that you accidentally say something sappy like, “I love you.” God, I hate when that happens.

And you know those people that you just know are hot dirty talkers. Like Angelina Jolie or James Spader. Of course, James would be scorchingly hot even if he was mute, but you know he would blow your mind with some seriously wicked dialogue while he bends you over his desk. The thought of this is what keeps me going sometimes...

Dirty Talk all depends on what your audience digs. But I do know that one wrong “Hand me that KY and the little smokies, ‘cause you know you want it in the ass” and not only the talk, but the whole nookie session, is over faster than you can say exit only.

But God bless good dirty talkers, because it really makes the world a more beautiful place. It’s so fabulous, in fact, that I propose that we should incorporate it into daily dialogue just to mix things up a bit. For instance, you’re at T Bell in the drive through: “And can I get some extra man sauce on my taco?” or chatting with the mailman: “Yeah, put it in my box.” Or even when itching to leave the office: “God, I can’t wait to get off…” It would sure make my day brighter!