So, evidentially, there are parallel universes. (Yes. I watch a lot of Science Channel. Eat it.) This is good, because in current reality, I'm entirely too lazy to get off my fat/hawt ass and do ambitious things. Things like not rotting on the couch whilst watching Dancing with the Stars. Sooo, news of the multiverse means that I'm actually accomplishing all of the bad ass stuff I should be doing elsewhere that I'm too lame to bang out here.
I'm so excited about this news that I felt the need to share with you all the superfly things that I am in an alternate universe:
A professional ballroom dancer named Pansy Piper.
Elementary school mashed potatoes with the kick ass yellow gravy on top.
A butch singer in a rock band who exclusively wears leather.
A soap opera actress who plays Olivia St. James-Cockfield-Applebottom-Bacon- Pujols-Pickles-Butkus-Drewpeacock-Fach-Shagger-Jezvahted-Beaver-Butts-Seaman-Shafts-Wang-Woodcock-Wong-Peters-Kuntz-Weiner-Scrodanus-Cox, the most widowed woman on day time television.
An exotic dancer with a pole routine entitled: The Stapler.
A giant squid. Squid RULE!
Head cheerleader for local basketball team, the Wet Wedgies.
Archaeologist and discoverer of the lost library of Alexandria, Cindy Anna Scones.
A marine biologist who leaves behind the perils of the world of men to live with the manatees.
Someone who has Bad Motherfucker written on her wallet.
Disgustingly wealthy.
In possession of a giant rack.
Bacon Dress
It's hawter than yours.
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