God damn it, I love Halloween. I love the weather, the ghosties, black cats, and slutty costumes everywhere. We went out last Friday to celebrate my favorite holiday, and oh my GOD, there was more pancake ass and camel toe than Road House. It was outstanding!
Another awesome thing about Halloween is the spookies. This is considered the time of year when the veil between the material world and the spirit world is at its thinnest. Supposedly, this causes us to have some pretty wicked dreams and Grudge-like encounters. I'm inclined to believe it, because I've been having crazy ass dreams out the wazz. Last night, I dreamed that I was being swarmed by Asians, and the night before, I had a surreal rape dream in which I decided mid-attack, to totally gross out the rapist so that he'd never rape again. So, I snowballed him. Graphically. Dude, I know. My subconscious is a sick bitch, right?
Ahem. So. Aybody else been having weird dreams?
Unimpacted Anus = BAD
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One of my most favorite hobbies is superimposing people into pictures. I'm sure you've noticed…
This usually involves a Google search for some hilariously funny context picture and then a quick cut and paste in Paint because you know, I do things classy up in here.
The other day, I thought it would be roaringly fun to stick a couple of my bitches into a picture with Borat. So I do my little Google image search and enter Borat, Kazakhstan and scroll through the results. It was the usual four pages of Sexy Time in his neon thong, singing at the rodeo, and OH MY GOD some dude's gaping asshole. Like, a random pornographic butt shot tagged with my search criteria for some reason.
Oh my GOD it was so shocking. Here I am looking for some friendly pictures of Borat, for shit's sake, and I suddenly I'm staring at some dude's large intestine. Like, you could put a can of paint in there. No joke. I was so sicked out, I couldn't even finish my fun photoshop.
But this got me to thinking, wouldn't it be a fun hobby to deliberately label sick pictures with benign and popular text? Like, some poor douche searches for Heroes, Claire and gets a surprise result pic thrown in that's some passed out dude getting tea bagged. Ha ha ha! I'm so doing this! Ideas of fun things to tag?
This usually involves a Google search for some hilariously funny context picture and then a quick cut and paste in Paint because you know, I do things classy up in here.
The other day, I thought it would be roaringly fun to stick a couple of my bitches into a picture with Borat. So I do my little Google image search and enter Borat, Kazakhstan and scroll through the results. It was the usual four pages of Sexy Time in his neon thong, singing at the rodeo, and OH MY GOD some dude's gaping asshole. Like, a random pornographic butt shot tagged with my search criteria for some reason.
Oh my GOD it was so shocking. Here I am looking for some friendly pictures of Borat, for shit's sake, and I suddenly I'm staring at some dude's large intestine. Like, you could put a can of paint in there. No joke. I was so sicked out, I couldn't even finish my fun photoshop.
But this got me to thinking, wouldn't it be a fun hobby to deliberately label sick pictures with benign and popular text? Like, some poor douche searches for Heroes, Claire and gets a surprise result pic thrown in that's some passed out dude getting tea bagged. Ha ha ha! I'm so doing this! Ideas of fun things to tag?
Return from My Native Homeland
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Wheee! I had SO much freaking fun in southern Oregon! It was sunny, breezy, warm, mountainy, and delightful. Seriously, y'all. If you ever need outstanding booze, check out Oregon's wineries. The Very Best Thing I've Ever Had to Drink in My Entire Life Ever was the Accolade sparkling Chardonnay from LongSword Vinyard.
I drank an entire bottle by myself. And I'm so not the kind of homo that likes to brag about how much I can drink. In fact, I'm a loser lightweight and can get wasted off three beers, and I've totally come to terms with this. I'm telling you about how I cashed a bottle of vino like a squid suckering itself onto a delicious bass to illustrate how fucking kick ass this wine is.
Anywho, I totally thought I'd find my Native American bretheren still in the area. I had all these fantasies about how I'd go volunteer on the reservation and find my long lost cousins. I told my mom this and she snorted and said, "yeah right, like they would ever believe it by looking at you." You know, 'cuz mein kampf. Or whatever. Too bad my tribe turned to casinos long ago and are no longer in the area...evidently.
But rock balls to Oregon! And to outstanding friends! And to wine you totally want to inhale!!!
I drank an entire bottle by myself. And I'm so not the kind of homo that likes to brag about how much I can drink. In fact, I'm a loser lightweight and can get wasted off three beers, and I've totally come to terms with this. I'm telling you about how I cashed a bottle of vino like a squid suckering itself onto a delicious bass to illustrate how fucking kick ass this wine is.
Anywho, I totally thought I'd find my Native American bretheren still in the area. I had all these fantasies about how I'd go volunteer on the reservation and find my long lost cousins. I told my mom this and she snorted and said, "yeah right, like they would ever believe it by looking at you." You know, 'cuz mein kampf. Or whatever. Too bad my tribe turned to casinos long ago and are no longer in the area...evidently.
But rock balls to Oregon! And to outstanding friends! And to wine you totally want to inhale!!!
Things I Don’t Understand: Part 18
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I can never tell which is more gay; dudes that peel out in their hoopdies, or dudes that excessively rev their motorcycles. Every fucking weekend, I hear losers do this shit over and over and over and OVER. It's always about 2AM outside of a bar, which leads me to draw the following conclusions:
a.) They are drunk
b.) I should mutilate them
c.) They are trying to impress chicks
Operating under this assumption, how is it possible that these douche bags ever score? It's the end of the god damn night, they've clearly already struck out, so NOW they're going to broadcast their social value system to any vaginas that might be within earshot? And what exactly are they trying to say? Hi, my penis is tiny and I have to prove this by making a lot of noise with the motorized extension of my microscopic manhood? I'm rude and have no consideration of those around me? I'm dangerous and you would probably die if I could get you drunk enough to ride with me? I can't use my words like a big boy, clone? I know, HOT, right?! Who wouldn't want to reproduce with THAT?!
Jesus ass, people! Grow up! Or at least shut up so I don't have to be punished as a result of your inadequacies as a human being!
a.) They are drunk
b.) I should mutilate them
c.) They are trying to impress chicks
Operating under this assumption, how is it possible that these douche bags ever score? It's the end of the god damn night, they've clearly already struck out, so NOW they're going to broadcast their social value system to any vaginas that might be within earshot? And what exactly are they trying to say? Hi, my penis is tiny and I have to prove this by making a lot of noise with the motorized extension of my microscopic manhood? I'm rude and have no consideration of those around me? I'm dangerous and you would probably die if I could get you drunk enough to ride with me? I can't use my words like a big boy, clone? I know, HOT, right?! Who wouldn't want to reproduce with THAT?!
Jesus ass, people! Grow up! Or at least shut up so I don't have to be punished as a result of your inadequacies as a human being!
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