Oh my GOD. I had the most hideous trip to the mall today. I'm minding my own business, flipping through a clearance rack, when the sales girl busts right in front of me to put away something. This totally pisses me off. I mean, can you wait the six seconds it would take for me to move on before you invade my bubble? And as if this weren't enough, she says to me, "These are the smalls. The medium and large racks are over there."
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WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, BITCH?! You like my FAT ASS? I will DESTROY YOU, CONSUME YOU, AND SHIT OUT YOUR SOUL. Jesus ass! So I tell myself that she has a depth perception problem, and I decide to go ahead and try on a couple of jackets, but the dressing rooms are full. Rather than wait ten hours, or get all up in people's faces to stand in front of the dressing room mirror, I ask a sales lady where another mirror is. She looks at me all slack-jawed and vacant and points to the exact same dressing room mirror that I told her I was trying to avoid.
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I've had about enough at this point, so I furiously clutch my purchases and take them to the counter, when this ugly, leather skinned hag and her demon spawn cut in front of me. This trip has been such a fucking nightmare, that I just take it as an opportunity to put back a shirt that I've changed my mind about. The scary child devil springs over to the rack and points to the shirt that I've just discarded and says, "This is so cute, mom!" And mom retorts, "Not really," then turns her creaky, handbag peg neck, and gives me the evil eye.
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So I cut in front of her, pay, and get the hell out. Unfuckingreal, y'all! I will never leave my house again!
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