News Grodies

So yeah, I’m a sick fuck, we all know this. But like, even I disturbed myself yesterday. You know when you see like, roadkill or something hideous, but you can’t look away? Yeah, it was way worse than that.

It started innocently enough when I found a fascinating article about a little girl in India, who is the most adorable child ever, and was unfortunately born with a parasitic conjoined twin. Um, so like, she had four arms and four legs, which is cool, but even COOLER is that she was freaking born on the day of celebration of Hindu goddess of the same name, Lakshmi. Anywho, she just had surgery to remove the twin and is doing fabulously.

This is not the sick part. That shit went down as soon as I continued to read more about the story and inadvertently stumbled across The Most Fucked Up Thing I’ve Ever Heard. It was on a related site, though how this crap could possibly be associated is beyond balls deep. Evidently, some fucked up German dude put out a personals ad seeking a masochist to let him kill, then eat them. And holy sausage tits, somebody answered. And they both ate his penis.

!!!

The worst part? I couldn’t stop reading about it. I was like one of those a-holes that slows down to stare at a car wreck. It was horrible!!!

I have never wanted to be a vegetarian more in my whole life. Swear to God, I was eating a meatball sub and couldn’t finish it because I kept thinking about fried dong. And dude, the picture of the creep! All I can focus on are his dickteeth! Gahhhhhhuuugh!

So I hope you enjoyed that little morsel and that it made you want to hurl in your mouth a little bit too.

Best Cartoon EVAR!

Lawd, what’s wrong with me for thinking this is so DAMN funny?!!!

***UPDATE***Halloween!

***UPDATE***Halloween!
Current mood: depressed


Shit, piss, damn, fuck, y’all. I had an even weirder dream!

In this one, I took off my gorgeous diamond ring that my gorgeous man gave to me on our anniversary and hid it somewhere. From what? Fuck knows. But, dude, when I woke up, I was like, what a gay dream! Ha ha...

Oh, shit.

It wasn’t on my finger. So evidently, I hid it from myself in my sleep. My worst fear is that I "hid" it in the trash, or like, swallowed it. Nothing good can come from that, yo. :o(

Halloween!

God damn it, I love Halloween. I love the weather, the ghosties, black cats, and slutty costumes everywhere. We went out last Friday to celebrate my favorite holiday, and oh my GOD, there was more pancake ass and camel toe than Road House. It was outstanding!

Another awesome thing about Halloween is the spookies. This is considered the time of year when the veil between the material world and the spirit world is at its thinnest. Supposedly, this causes us to have some pretty wicked dreams and Grudge-like encounters. I'm inclined to believe it, because I've been having crazy ass dreams out the wazz. Last night, I dreamed that I was being swarmed by Asians, and the night before, I had a surreal rape dream in which I decided mid-attack, to totally gross out the rapist so that he'd never rape again. So, I snowballed him. Graphically. Dude, I know. My subconscious is a sick bitch, right?

Ahem. So. Aybody else been having weird dreams?