God damn, the military is hardcore. If I weren't such a sick pussy, I would have totally joined the Navy, but I guess all of us secretly would have signed up for some part of the armed forces if we had to.
My dad and I have been watching the Military Channel (I know, we're losers!) and freaking out over this amazing show about Marine recruitment. Lemme tell you somethin'. I would never, ever, want to have a trained Marine after my ass. Sexually or otherwise. Those mother fuckers could gut you like a wide mouth bass before you even realized they were on you, and you know what? That rocks. Loudly.
I wish I was a badass sometimes, but I'm pretty sure it's way more fun to stuff my face with strawberry shortcake and watch other people hammer it out on tv.
Take a Freaking Picture!
Posted in on by
Have you ever been just hanging out and minding your own business, when suddenly, you notice that someone is staring at you?
This totally happened to me today as I was strolling along after a super giant lunch, feeling all happy and pleasantly full, though perhaps not agreeable enough to suck in my gut whilst walking. So I'm tra la la-ing when I notice that the lady walking towards me is staring at my midsection. Like, as if I had a horse rapist growing out of my belly button. And I was all, WHAT, bitch?! What the fuck are you looking at? You like my goddamn pooch?! I will SMOTHER you with it! But instead of saying this out loud, I just stared right back at her stupid face. I damn near had to walk backwards to keep looking at her fug mug when she finally realized that she is not, in fact, invisible, and that I had seen her staring at my flab like a creepy doll.
I hope she was embarrassed for getting busted. She so should be! What kind of grown woman stares at people, let along isn't savvy enough to be subtle about it? Blechh.
I should eat her soul.
This totally happened to me today as I was strolling along after a super giant lunch, feeling all happy and pleasantly full, though perhaps not agreeable enough to suck in my gut whilst walking. So I'm tra la la-ing when I notice that the lady walking towards me is staring at my midsection. Like, as if I had a horse rapist growing out of my belly button. And I was all, WHAT, bitch?! What the fuck are you looking at? You like my goddamn pooch?! I will SMOTHER you with it! But instead of saying this out loud, I just stared right back at her stupid face. I damn near had to walk backwards to keep looking at her fug mug when she finally realized that she is not, in fact, invisible, and that I had seen her staring at my flab like a creepy doll.
I hope she was embarrassed for getting busted. She so should be! What kind of grown woman stares at people, let along isn't savvy enough to be subtle about it? Blechh.
I should eat her soul.
I Said Lady, Step Inside My Hyundai...
Posted in on by
I'm officially a big girl! Check it:
That, my babies, my new pimp ride! I have air conditioning!!! And a radio that gets an actual signal! And side airbags that actually might work if I get pissed off and smash into some jerk-off that won't let me merge! My road rage is SO much cuter now!
That, my babies, my new pimp ride! I have air conditioning!!! And a radio that gets an actual signal! And side airbags that actually might work if I get pissed off and smash into some jerk-off that won't let me merge! My road rage is SO much cuter now!
Homeless Jumping
Posted in on by
This is totally how I feel when I'm driving to work:
http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/index.jhtml?ml_video=82516
I know I'm sitting just a tad too far to the right to possible get any of the hippies on board with my hatred of the homeless, but dude. They are SO useless! They can't get their shit together, can't exist normally, and can't follow basic social norms! I mean, a man approaching a lone woman on the street is totally unacceptable and way skurry to me, but begging for my hard earned money?! Shut the fuck up! Balls, it offends me on so many levels.
I just don't agree that they're just folks who have lost their way. I don't believe that the homeless sleep outside because they like to live under the stars. I think the people that do that shit do it because they're effing crazy in the head. Ok?!So, no y'all, I don't think it's a good idear to go rolling down your car windows to give them change/enable them, and nay, I don't think it's a good idear to go trying to help them out unless you want them to kidnap your babies/rape you.
I'm not saying your intentions aren't good in wanting to see the best in them, but the homeless are about three steps above Paris Hilton, insofar as their contribution to civilized society (and the rampant spreading of disease,) so let's not encourage them. Or Paris either for that matter.
http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/index.jhtml?ml_video=82516
I know I'm sitting just a tad too far to the right to possible get any of the hippies on board with my hatred of the homeless, but dude. They are SO useless! They can't get their shit together, can't exist normally, and can't follow basic social norms! I mean, a man approaching a lone woman on the street is totally unacceptable and way skurry to me, but begging for my hard earned money?! Shut the fuck up! Balls, it offends me on so many levels.
I just don't agree that they're just folks who have lost their way. I don't believe that the homeless sleep outside because they like to live under the stars. I think the people that do that shit do it because they're effing crazy in the head. Ok?!So, no y'all, I don't think it's a good idear to go rolling down your car windows to give them change/enable them, and nay, I don't think it's a good idear to go trying to help them out unless you want them to kidnap your babies/rape you.
I'm not saying your intentions aren't good in wanting to see the best in them, but the homeless are about three steps above Paris Hilton, insofar as their contribution to civilized society (and the rampant spreading of disease,) so let's not encourage them. Or Paris either for that matter.
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