PWNED

I was minding my own business in the parking lot this morning, walking from my car to my work building, when I slipped on a patch of ice and FELL ON MY FUCKING FACE. Like, in front of an entire audience of people! I was skating around on my fat belly like a goddamn penguin and they were all, *gasp* are you ok? And I was all, shut the fuck up, you hags! Way to draw attention to me totally getting pwned by the ice! Can’t you just pretend like you didn’t just see me eat it?

So I had to bust out the Workman’s Comp and make sure I didn’t super-fuck up my wrist, and spent the better part of the morning with the dredges of society who were being drug tested and smelling of old bar and mullet. Oh well, at least it’s just a minor sprain, but it still hurts like a bitch, and I’m typing one-handed so it doesn’t explode. Hoo-fucking-ray. At least I still have my dignity. Kinda.