S&M is Much More Interesting than My Uterus
Second only to having a hand placed on my Taco Bell-generated gut and being asked when I’m due, is my resentment of being asked when I’m getting married. Not because I don’t genuinely look forward to getting married someday, but because I feel like if I haven’t volunteered that information to you, then it’s none of your effing business! Those are super private topics that don’t involve your nosy ass, so get a hobby and leave me alone!
Those that ask un-inseminated chicks about their uterine functions are of the same species of people that also ask unmarried chicks about their marital plans. It’s absolutely shocking to me that people actually wonder such things out loud. I would never inquire about either of the above because holy-sense-of-entitlement-to-personal-information, Batman! I don’t want to make people feel awkward! What a shocking revelation!
Now, if I have a ring on my finger, proceed. Ask me when the date is set and all about what my wedding will be like even though it’s gonna sound suspiciously like every other wedding you’ve ever been to. Go nuts! The ring is a symbol of the commitment, if not an advertisement of it. I think that makes it fair game…
But to a single girl, that is terribly uncomfortable! You have no idea what’s going on with me! What if we haven’t discussed it yet? What if he won’t marry me and it’s a hideous sore subject and we fight because you’ve just poured lemon juice in the wound and then we break up and I end up offing myself via a Salad Shooter? What if I just got dumped and am dead inside, and murder him and his entire family and prop up the bodies around the Thanksgiving table and weep as I spoon feed grandpa’s corpse creamed corn? What if I’m getting ready to dump him because I’m a cold, tasteless bitch? What if I have an alien in my guts that is going to pop out and eat your face for asking me such a rude question!? Jesus ass!
It’s like asking a woman when she’s going to have a baby, when she’s going to have her second, if she’s gonna try for a girl next time. DUDE. 1 in 3 pregnancies ends in miscarriage! Many people are infertile! BACK OFF! God. I mean, why don’t you just jam a hand into their crotchal regions and see what their labias look like and then run over their pets with your stupid SUV?
And yes, I know I’m worst case scenarioing what could happen if you pry into someone’s private life, but seriously, getting married is something to be discussed between the couple. Having children is a conversation reserved for the bearers of the child. If you need a voyeuristic view of weddings and pregnancies, watch Days of Our Lives. Someone gets knocked up like twice a week and they all get married three times a day. Not to mention that they all get amnesia, killed, posessed, and gangbanged in a guillotine sooner or later. That should satisfy your need to be omnipresent and fulfill your sadism, you reptilian, cold sore sucker!
