Oooh, Baby! Spray Me With Your Hose Some More!
So I just heard that the Kansas City Fire Department is reading The Chronicles. Please excuse me, but I have go and lie down. I’m sorry, but firemen are so HOT. No pun intended, but seriously, they are universally scorchingly, smoking, wicked flaming hot. Ok, puns totally intended that time. Mwa ha haaa!
So while I was indulging myself in fantasies of making out in slow motion with gorgeous firefighters on top of the truck whilst being sprayed with dew-like water from the fire hose, I realized that I am totally objectifying these poor guys. So I thought, rock on! I should tell them all about it, because really, what man doesn’t want to be validated in knowing that he is the central figure in every woman’s fantasy?
I sent the following to the sexy, gorgeous lady reader of The Chronicles:
Can you please give me your opinion as to why firemen are hot? (Also, policemen, military men, men in uniform in general?) Please respond as soon as possible, and do please respond. Last time I took a poll, like 3 people helped me out. Be a sport. Do your duty to your country. Consider it your Holiday gift to me. Or I could always hunt you down and kill you if you refuse to participate. You know, like boil your rabbits and stuff.
And here were the fabulous responses:
FRIDAY: Because they have big hoses...
KT: I love men in uniforms...they are aware that they are all the same, so they dress like it - that is what is so hot about it.
*It's like shopping for a car that has the ability to give orgasms...Hey, wait a minute...Why don't we have those?*
LIZCAT: I was in a minor car accident a few years ago in Melrose on my way to a club to meet my girls...well it was an 8 car accident and I was the last car, so I was fine. The firefighters and police came...well I started chatting with the firemen and they invited me and my two girlfriends to come hang out at the station. So! We started going to hang out with them every so often and I ended up hooking up with one of them - named Sebastian - we made out in the fire truck and around the fire station.
*I hate you endlessly, Liz. I will forever burn (ha!) with envy.*
C-HO: 1. The most obvious reason....they're wearing a uniform...that you get to take off.
2. They are usually doing a job that is dangerous, and all women love a man of danger
3. They're typically heroes, like my boyfriend! You are proud of them.
4. They're manly men...big muscles that fill out those form fitting uniforms
5. They're not afraid to take control...you know push you around a little bit
6. They push you around a little bit (in the sack) but treat you like a princess.
7. They're manly by day and romantic at night. Men in uniforms are suckers for romance.
8. They know that life is short, and at any moment theirs can be taken from them, so they live life to the fullest and don't care what others think.
9. They're wearing uniforms
10. They wear uniforms.
SALLY: To be honest, I am probably the single oddity out there...who has no interest in The Uniform. The garb seems so stiff and synthetic for the most part...I assume they are sweating like pigs under it all.
*What? You don’t like stiff and sweaty?*
CLAIRE: I believe that it is very primal, and visual. Men in uniform, LOOK like they have it together, like they could go sail you around the world, protect your honour, defend you against marauding... whatevers. They look together, and they look capable (at least of ironing their uniform, which is attractive enough, as men who iron are extremely rare, in my experience!) They also look as if, being an organised and cohesive part of the 'service' they do not come with excess baggage, and therefore are able to transport OTHERS excess (emotional and otherwise!) baggage! How useful, and how attractive!!
I think maybe their willingness to risk their lives to help people -- obvious I know, but I think that women's response to this routinely buff and courageous behavior IS very elemental - they save others, they can save us, right?? Mmm, and who really DOESN'T want to be saved, going right back to our fairy princess fantasies of childhood... So I would love to say, that firemen are hot because we (nobly) respect their integrity, but sadly, this does not seem to be the case... it seems to be the result of something much older and LESS noble (on our part at least) - the homosapien survival urge.
*I can think of a few homosapien urges that I could fulfill with a hottie fireman! *
CEC: I enjoy picking them up in full uniform on the streets of the Plaza.
LINDSAY: Men in uniform in general are good looking because they have an air of authority. Also, who doesn't want to get with someone who carries a firearm and can handcuff you? Yum!
*I know that on more than one occasion,, I've seriously considered deliberately breaking the law just to be handcuffed and reprimanded because I've been a bad bad girl.*
REV.DR. SWEETNESS: Because you know by the uniform that they have a job.
LL: Men in uniform...just the thought makes me drool. The crisp lines of the uniform, police, military, hell, even security guard. They make a man seem instantly taller, sexy, brave, strong, and capable of doing anything you need him to do at anytime. Firemen are their own special breed however. A firemen epitomizes bravery; people tend to run out of burning buildings, not into them. So anyone who would throw himself in harm's way like that, man, get out the smelling salts.
To the uniform; even though it is baggy, that is a good thing. It bulks up anyone wearing it without making him look fat. It makes him look strong and capable. Also, picture in your mind a fireman who has just put out a fire; what do you see? Sweaty, a little oily, streaks of soot here and there. The coat is off and what is left is the just-a-bit grimy white t-shirt and the pants held up by suspenders on a sexy, muscular guy with arms that you want to hold you and a chest made just for resting your head against. Tasty, huh??
*Indeed, my dear. I am now drooling all over my keyboard and will likely die of electrical shock. Oooh! It might start a fire though, and Station 33 will have to book it over here to save me. Hooray!*
SMITHY: Weapons. I sure wish I had a gun right now.
MER: Back in the good 'ole days of cave people, the man was bigger, stronger, tougher. He protected the clan from mammoths, saber tooth tigers and dinosaurs. (Well, ok, I know dinos were extinct by this time, but in the movies they always show cave men fighting them) Move up many, many, many years later to now. We have sissy men, metrosexuals, and so on. These men can't seem to protect themselves from a tiny little spider, let alone protect his woman from a mammoth. So when a big strong guy walks by proudly displaying the fact that he is ever so willing to put his life on the line for another, women go ape-shit. Not to mention the fact that men dressed up (this can range from tuxedos to uniforms) are just damn sexy.
But I do think a good part of it, at least for myself, is the fact that I want to be protected...it is a good feeling to be wrapped in big arms, arms you know would beat the living shit out of anything or anyone that threatens you. I'm not saying I condone violence and want my man to pound anyone that even looks at him or me wrong, but it is just nice to know that he could and he would.
LUVA: They look all clean cut in their uniforms. Very masculine looking too…Saving the damsel in distress.
THI MONEY: A man with a big hose is hot. A man who can throw you across the room like a scrunchie is hot too. A man that can save you from any of the following is hot:
-Car jackings
-Burning Buildings
-Osama Bin Laden
-Sadam Hussein
HIL: Because they are a good mix of strong and sensitive. See, they have to be brave to be in such a position (to run into a burning building, to chase down a suspect, etc) but yet with a lot of those responsibilities seems to come some sort of compassionate nature. You know, they save old ladies and babies from fires, and help keep the kids safe and stuff like that. Its hard to find that kind of a balance in a man, because you don't want a sissy and you don't want some jerk, so when you see a man in uniform this connotation of strong and sensitive pops into your mind and that is SEXY.
TERESE: Firemen are hot because they rescue people, slide down poles, and can look like this picture: www.minibite.com/funstuff/fireman.htm
In general, men in uniform make us feel protected. They are masculine and notafraid to take risks, what woman would not want one? They are not sissy, pussyboys that are scared of the back yard, the are REAL MEN. *I heart you, Terese, and your delicious pornography!*
So in conclusion, GRRR! And truly, we love firefighters for more than just their hotness. These people work an extremely demanding job for not a lot of bones. It really does take a bad ass to bust into a burning building/stop burning brush/pry someone from their horrific car crash/put someone else before themselves. So cheers to uniforms!
