Pitch + Poradova = LOVE!!!

Ok, so this may not give y’all Osco Syndrome like it does me, but I’m here to say that Poradova is number one on my Best Discoveries of the Year list.

What’s more exciting, is that The Pitch totally knows how much ass they kick!! Plus, they all but took a crap on the chests of other bands that were reviewed in the same article. Hooray!

I’ve posted the highlights below, but you can hook yourself up phat with the full article here:


Ladies’ Night: A local showcase at the Hurricane brings out four female-fronted bands.
By Crystal K. Wiebe, November 22, 2007
The problem with a lot of events and magazine spreads devoted to Women Who Rock! is the underlying prejudice that a woman rocking is somehow novel.

There’s no question that the music industry remains male-dominated, from the guys in suits to the guys at the mic. And that’s reflected on the radio, on TV and in print. But don’t let the legions of dude rockers fool you. Women everywhere shred, scream, beat drums, pound keyboards and sing in the name of rock and roll.

Talented, attractive and authoritative, Poradova frontwoman Sarahjill Bricker is the kind of singer who can make everything else disappear. She had the crowd’s full attention with her soundcheck: a rapid-fire bark of "Check! Check! Check!" followed by a strum-along to a Pixies song that happened to be playing through the PA.

Whereas other performers just stared in helpless frustration at the entry through which the offending hip-hop streamed all night, Bricker shouted, "Shut the door!" and someone scrambled to do it.

Backed by a rotating cast of two guitarists and a couple of drummers, Bricker played keyboard and acoustic guitar. Her blues-tinged notes slid all over the scale in a way that evoked Tori Amos. The end of the set included a rocked-out rendition of Dolly Parton’s "Jolene" and the Pixies song that Bricker teased us with earlier, "Where Is My Mind."

Having to follow that would intimidate any self-respecting musician, and next-in-line Abigail Murphy did appear tense during her band’s prolonged setup...

Things I Don’t Understand: Part 441

Child actors make me want to vomit. All over myself. Like Saturday Night Live kind of barf. They are always smiling overzealously, then fucking shit up. Gaah! Exhibit A: The spooky ass kid on Heroes.




I mean, if this kid isn’t getting ready to unhinge her jaw and eat me whole, then I’m your mom. So in searching for video on You Tube to show you bitches just how truly terrifying she is, I found this:

What. The. FUCK? Is it just me, or is it extremely creepy that someone sat down, edited this clip, and put a douchey song to it? And oh my god, there are like 50 of these. All to the same weird little kid and her man pals. Why? Why do they do this?


I have to go lie down and feel dirty now.

Whoops.

Have you ever gotten kinda drunk and like, forgotten your audience? Say, for instance, you’re playing a friendly round of "I Never" and pose the following truth: I’ve never banged three or more people at this table. In front of your sig other. And they DRINK.

Evidently, I did something similar during a particularly rowdy night out. Somebody brought up this girl that I just can’t stand and I completely went off on a melodramatic rant. Viciously. Like, "Oh my god, I hate her ass, she is such a troll. I mean, seriously, she has sick cankles and most closely resembles Teddy Ruxpin. I want to rip off her face and eat it with salsa!" All of this and more...in front of her best friend.

What’s even more awesome, is that I totally forgot that this even happened and had to be told later what a huge dick I was. Tee hee! Oops. But whatever. I wish I had been more subtle in front of the bitch’s friend, but lemme just tell you something. If someone said even a fraction of what I let loose about my best friend, I would have smeared their ass all over the bar. So I stand by it and say fuck it! Hooray!

News Grodies

So yeah, I’m a sick fuck, we all know this. But like, even I disturbed myself yesterday. You know when you see like, roadkill or something hideous, but you can’t look away? Yeah, it was way worse than that.

It started innocently enough when I found a fascinating article about a little girl in India, who is the most adorable child ever, and was unfortunately born with a parasitic conjoined twin. Um, so like, she had four arms and four legs, which is cool, but even COOLER is that she was freaking born on the day of celebration of Hindu goddess of the same name, Lakshmi. Anywho, she just had surgery to remove the twin and is doing fabulously.

This is not the sick part. That shit went down as soon as I continued to read more about the story and inadvertently stumbled across The Most Fucked Up Thing I’ve Ever Heard. It was on a related site, though how this crap could possibly be associated is beyond balls deep. Evidently, some fucked up German dude put out a personals ad seeking a masochist to let him kill, then eat them. And holy sausage tits, somebody answered. And they both ate his penis.

!!!

The worst part? I couldn’t stop reading about it. I was like one of those a-holes that slows down to stare at a car wreck. It was horrible!!!

I have never wanted to be a vegetarian more in my whole life. Swear to God, I was eating a meatball sub and couldn’t finish it because I kept thinking about fried dong. And dude, the picture of the creep! All I can focus on are his dickteeth! Gahhhhhhuuugh!

So I hope you enjoyed that little morsel and that it made you want to hurl in your mouth a little bit too.