Wow. That Sure Ended Fast.

I can’t believe I’m saying this so soon, but today was such a hideous icky, suck butt day. I know! After all the glory that was last week, someone flung poo at the record player and made the music skip.

I spent the entire day freezing my labes off in the fabulous new house. This would have been much more tits if the heat had been on, but long story short, I had to wait around for nine effing cold ass hours for the gas and water bitches to turn shit on. So not only that, but I didn’t have food, and could hit the hizz because no water means no flushies.

As if that suckiness weren’t enough, my sister and I were completely brutalized by my new neighbor. She stopped by to drop off some lunch for me and pulled into the shared drive. It’s the first time she’d been there, and it was snowing, so it wasn’t easy to tell what the driveway situation was. Regardless, the neighbor comes home, pulls his car over in the middle of the street and gets out to come bang on the door to tell me how rude I am to park there. We were so shocked at the way he attacked me, my sister and I just began to apologize and hurry to move her car, when he says, "I don’t want even want to hear about it, honey." And slams my door in my face. Then, he screams at my sister the entire way to her car saying "Yeah, of course you didn’t realize. Welcome to the fucking neighborhood."

What. The. Fuck.

How is that someone’s first reaction? How does someone reach the conclusion that that kind of behavior is acceptable? If this were the tenth time I’d blocked his driveway, I could understand a polite knock on the door to ask me to move, but to yell at us like we had just slit his stupid yappy Shitzu’s throat over such a small incident?! Man, makes me wish I’d done something awesome enough to merit being screamed at. Maybe I should kill his dog. And boil it. You know, just to see what happens.

Best Week Evarrr

This last week has been so righteous that I’m kind of exhausted from all the kick-assery. I put up Christmas lights, took a lazy vacation day, found a real home for the rescue kitty, sent off one of my best drinkin’ buddies into the wild yonder of a new company, met some new friends, AND let’s not forget that I fucking sang with Poradova, which to date is The Coolest Thing That’s Ever Happened to Me.

But today. Today is the day that my gorgeous beast of a man gave me my key to the NEW TOTALLY RIGHTEOUS HOWSE! Oh my good GAWD, y’all. I am beside myself. I would post a picture of it, but then you’d all probably stalk me and mutilate my body whilst raping it, so I’ll have to let you imagine how fricking gorgeous and amazing it is. I’m gonna have a real porch, bitches! Ok, I’m hyperventilating and must go lie down now, but please, marinate in my good chi!! I’m happy to share.

Pitch + Poradova = LOVE!!!

Ok, so this may not give y’all Osco Syndrome like it does me, but I’m here to say that Poradova is number one on my Best Discoveries of the Year list.

What’s more exciting, is that The Pitch totally knows how much ass they kick!! Plus, they all but took a crap on the chests of other bands that were reviewed in the same article. Hooray!

I’ve posted the highlights below, but you can hook yourself up phat with the full article here:


Ladies’ Night: A local showcase at the Hurricane brings out four female-fronted bands.
By Crystal K. Wiebe, November 22, 2007
The problem with a lot of events and magazine spreads devoted to Women Who Rock! is the underlying prejudice that a woman rocking is somehow novel.

There’s no question that the music industry remains male-dominated, from the guys in suits to the guys at the mic. And that’s reflected on the radio, on TV and in print. But don’t let the legions of dude rockers fool you. Women everywhere shred, scream, beat drums, pound keyboards and sing in the name of rock and roll.

Talented, attractive and authoritative, Poradova frontwoman Sarahjill Bricker is the kind of singer who can make everything else disappear. She had the crowd’s full attention with her soundcheck: a rapid-fire bark of "Check! Check! Check!" followed by a strum-along to a Pixies song that happened to be playing through the PA.

Whereas other performers just stared in helpless frustration at the entry through which the offending hip-hop streamed all night, Bricker shouted, "Shut the door!" and someone scrambled to do it.

Backed by a rotating cast of two guitarists and a couple of drummers, Bricker played keyboard and acoustic guitar. Her blues-tinged notes slid all over the scale in a way that evoked Tori Amos. The end of the set included a rocked-out rendition of Dolly Parton’s "Jolene" and the Pixies song that Bricker teased us with earlier, "Where Is My Mind."

Having to follow that would intimidate any self-respecting musician, and next-in-line Abigail Murphy did appear tense during her band’s prolonged setup...

Things I Don’t Understand: Part 441

Child actors make me want to vomit. All over myself. Like Saturday Night Live kind of barf. They are always smiling overzealously, then fucking shit up. Gaah! Exhibit A: The spooky ass kid on Heroes.




I mean, if this kid isn’t getting ready to unhinge her jaw and eat me whole, then I’m your mom. So in searching for video on You Tube to show you bitches just how truly terrifying she is, I found this:

What. The. FUCK? Is it just me, or is it extremely creepy that someone sat down, edited this clip, and put a douchey song to it? And oh my god, there are like 50 of these. All to the same weird little kid and her man pals. Why? Why do they do this?


I have to go lie down and feel dirty now.