Creeptastic

We've all been the subject of inappropriate flirtation in the workplace at one point or another. Occasionally, it's kind of fun…Especially when it's YOU that's being the lascivious one. Not that I would know anything about that. Mwa ha ha!

What is super not fun is when it's REAL sexual harassment. I used to work with this dude who was SO creepy, that he was clearly not only a rapist, but in fact, was Rape incarnate. He seriously has to cruise in like a big, white van with no windows that he drives around parks and stuff.

One morning, I was minding my own business and getting some gross freeze-dried coffee in the break room, when Pervy McMolester busted in and invaded my personal space per usual to get himself a cup. Swear to god, y'all. He poured the coffee, stuck in a stirry thing, and proceeded to lean down and put his face three inches from my tits and stare back and forth between them as if they were dangling cat toys and he, a fucked up perverted cat.

I wanted to be like, DUDE. It's not that impressive. Fuck off already! But instead, I stood there going UUUuuhhh? as it was happening. It was so shocking, I couldn't even respond to beat him bloody.

The good news is that later, I heard about how he totally pulled his pants all the way down to the floor to take a piss at the urinal. I'm pretty sure that this is for easy raping access so he can turn and stick it up a nearby butt if the moment strikes him, but still, it makes me happy to think that he's totally making an ass out of himself in public bathrooms every day. He deserves it like a mofo.