Well, the most recent jobby job prospect isn’t working out. Boo friggity hoo. I’ve been in negotiations for like, ever with this new little ad agency in Lenexa that lured me in with the promise of being a writer for their company when they actually were hiring for a sales rep. F-ing liars. But I ended up really grooving on the people as well as the general idea of being employed, so I’ve been trying my damndest to work things out with them.
Thus, I'm sad to report that they just can’t pay me enough. $18,000 a year? *Psht.* I know I'm not exactly loaded, but if I'm going to be making a third of what my peers make, I'd rather work at Wally World for the phatty discount. I mean, where else can you get TP, ammunition, and patio furniture in one stop, ya know? I’m clearly going to have to tell them to stick their minimum wage offer straight up their cheap asses because I would end up pumping every crappy little cent I made straight into the gas tank of The Obscene Green Disco Machine just to get to work and back. There would definitely be no extra cash left over for clothes, apartments, or gigolos.
Besides, I was wiggity way hot for my potential boss, Mr. Gray. I kept drooling during our interviews, lustily thinking about James Spader, who was also Mr. Gray in Secretary. (Coincidence? I think not!) Then I would gratuitously fantasize about after-hours office frolickings that usually involved his desk. As you can see, this would have been extremely bad in frequent bouts because:
A. He would have been my boss…not that it’s ever stopped me before, but
B. He’s married
C. To a fifth degree black belt in Tai Kwon Do
Perhaps it’s for the best that we merrily parted ways. Tee hee! So once again, I hope that you all will keep your rosy little ears to the ground for job openings and that you will consider recommending me for any available positions. Please feel free to tell your employers the following:
“Hey, Mr./Ms. Boss! I heard that the (insert sugarlicious job in which I would clearly be spectacular) is vacant. I have this friend who would be perfect for it! She is wicked hot and really funny and could totally rock your world in the Tenth Position of The Perfumed Garden like nobody’s business! She is a literary genius and brilliant in communication. Plus, if you hire her, I will personally give you some serious oral pleasure!”
Aww! You guys are the best!!!
Bacon Dress
It's hawter than yours.
