Bacon Dress

Somebody, please, for the love of fuck, kidnap me. Call in and make a Cloverfield moster threat. Anything to get me outta here!

All day, I sit in classes I've already taken. I listen to self-important idiots fellate themselves on their drinking of the Kool-aid. Seriously, y'all. One of them is this freak of nature with the Hugest Man-Ass in North America, only with this face:



Are you with me yet on how much I want to stab out my eyes? So if you hear of anything open for a tech writer, please. Let the hiring manager know that I can suck a golf ball through a garden hose and pass along my resume.

Laid off that is! ;)

It was a huge surprise to get shit canned yesterday, but you know, who cares, really. I have taken more impressive shits than the job I had, and plus, my boss was a pig of a man with bitch tits and peg-like teeth. *shudders* So no real loss anyway.

The good news is that even though they eliminated my position, I am one of the "lucky ones" who was offered another job in a different department in lieu of a severance package. I'm so gonna show up to this new job on Monday with a smile on my face and an buttload of other companies to contact. I'm more than happy to job-hunt on their dime!

I was minding my own business in the parking lot this morning, walking from my car to my work building, when I slipped on a patch of ice and FELL ON MY FUCKING FACE. Like, in front of an entire audience of people! I was skating around on my fat belly like a goddamn penguin and they were all, *gasp* are you ok? And I was all, shut the fuck up, you hags! Way to draw attention to me totally getting pwned by the ice! Can’t you just pretend like you didn’t just see me eat it?

So I had to bust out the Workman’s Comp and make sure I didn’t super-fuck up my wrist, and spent the better part of the morning with the dredges of society who were being drug tested and smelling of old bar and mullet. Oh well, at least it’s just a minor sprain, but it still hurts like a bitch, and I’m typing one-handed so it doesn’t explode. Hoo-fucking-ray. At least I still have my dignity. Kinda.