Bacon Dress

Dear Heinous Virtual Coworker,
I totally hate your ass face. Thanks a lot for doing a shitty job of communicating what it is that you need done, then publicly blaming me for fucking it up to everyone and their fricking mother's dog's gay boyfriend. Just seriously learn how to do your job, m'kay? Fill out the request like a big boy, print it off, roll it up, and then you can shove it up your ass.
Sincerely,
Summie
P.S. You suck ballz

Dear Aging,
Fuck you, dude. You are terrible! I used to be able to go out for happy hour and enjoy a cold beer or three without getting so shit-faced that I eat an entire frozen pizza then promptly barf it up. I also used to be able to walk up two flights of stairs without gasping for breath like the god damn fish from the Epic video. And wtf is this with the crows feet shit? God, I hate you.
Kisses,
Summie

Dear Knockout Boy,
You were truly every woman's dream at roller derby on Saturday. Shirtless, beautiful, supporting your kick ass team, and carrying a BABY. And not just any baby, but an adorable one who was dressed as a roller girl and had her own derby name: P-Nut. My uterus is screaming right now.
Love it,
Summie