Bacon Dress

Nelle and I went to buy some gorgeous kitchen paint at Home Depot the other day, which should be a completely uneventful story, except for that I almost amputated my own fingers while carrying the stupid gallons of paint around by their poorly engineered handles. My paws seriously turned purple, y’all. PURPLE! I know, right?! That’s like the most embarrassing possible way lose a body part. In fact, I’m embarrassed that I even just told you.

The only way I’d want to have my fingers lopped is because I like, reached into the jaws of a bull shark to save a baby. Or better yet, became an amputee at the hands of another amputee. Which is impossible, you see.

Heh heh heh.