Bacon Dress

Why is it that you only think of something badass to say after someone gets in your face?! Today, my bastard neighbor confronted me in the driveway to ask if I was mad at them. You know, cuz we’re in sixth grade, evidently.

Then he proceeded to spin some bullshit story about how it wasn’t them that yelled at me, but the across the street neighbor. Right…like I can’t remember the douche that slammed a door in my face. I just wish so badly that I hadn’t dorked out and been all, "oh, hi, um hum hum hum!" And instead said something cool like:

Wow. It only took your fat ass three months to finally sac up and say something to me?

Dude, I’m blonde, not blind.

Oh, I’m not mad. I just mutilated your dogs out of neighborly love.

I’d rather get fucked up the ass with my own cat than have this conversation.

Hmm, I think I hear something. Is that…is that a dick dribbling I hear? Why yes! Yes, it is!

Hey, aren’t you that guy that made that Bowling for Columbine movie?

HELP! HELP!! *runs away*

Even if I believed the bold faced lie that it wasn’t you guys, why would I ever be cool with people that stood by and watched a man harass a couple of girls without intervening?

Have we met?

I once killed a man who looked exactly like you.

The real question here, bitch tits, is if my friend Ronald is mad at you...

Is that vagina mayonnaise I smell? You should really wash your cooch.

What wicked stuff would you bitches have said?